Freshers' may not be the best time of your life

Hollie reflects on her struggles with mental health during her first year of university, sharing what she wishes she had known.

- Hollie Rose

As the car rolled up the Bailey and the wheels moved over the cobblestones as we approached Durham Cathedral, I spotted my new home to my left, with iron gates opening onto the future I had been dreaming of for years. I wish I could meet that nineteen-year-old girl to give her a hug, holding in my arms all her trepidation around being in catered accommodation and the unique experience of having a roommate. I wish I could tell her it would all be okay. But on that day in late September when I approached the college that I would eventually be overly involved in, little did I know that I was opening one of the darkest chapters of my life. And – spoiler alert – little would I believe, at the end of my first year as I made the same journey in reverse down the historic Bailey with a car full of my belongings, that in two years I would sob at the mere thought of leaving a city I am so proud to say I created a life in.  

For those of us who have experience already with tumultuous mental health before we arrive at university, we can fear what that will look like in a new city, with a transformed support system and a routine completely turned on its head. I can attest that it will all be okay…eventually.  

But that does not mean it will instantly be okay in freshers’ week or as a fresher at all. If you are someone who struggles to adapt, you are not on your own. Believe me, even those who adjust the fastest have moments of doubt or feeling like an imposter.  I prided myself up until university in being able to make things work, even if they weren’t ideal. I did not realise how much of that ability relied on the thing I claimed to hate: routine.   

The nature of living in catered accommodation meant meals became an intense stress factor for me as I had little to no choice and control over my food. As such, I would avoid meals, eliminating consistent points in a daily routine. This not only meant I lost structure in my day, which meant I ended up cocooning myself in bed longer into the day than I care to admit but also meant I was allowing my anxiety around meals to cut me off from the socialisation around mealtimes. Similarly, it became easier to skip lectures and seminars, provide email excuses for my absences and barely leave my room as the longer the gaps between my attendance became, the greater my anxiety of walking into those rooms grew.   

Within my first year, I became a ghost of myself because I did not know how to create a flexible and accommodating routine for myself. Instead, my comfort zone shrank to a small outline around my feet. It was not until my third year that I truly began to flourish because I gave myself the grace to manage my anxiety and depression.  

I implemented a flexible routine that focused on meeting my basic needs each day rather than attempting to meet unrealistic goals. I did not want to get up obscenely early, I just wanted to get out of bed each day. I did not care if I changed from one set of pyjamas to another, I was changing out of the clothes I slept in. I may not have the energy to cook from scratch, but I would eat at least one fully prepared meal. And I would go outside for a least five minutes, even if those five minutes were no further than my garden.  

What I found, is pushing myself to do these tasks often meant I started my day, whether at 7am or 7pm, in a headspace more willing and able to challenge my comfort zone, rather than waking up already feeling like a failure because I had missed an arbitrary morning alarm. I was focusing on a routine to meet my needs. And I was able to constantly challenge my comfort zone, watching it grow bit by bit, by challenging my depression and anxiety to constantly meet my basic needs.  

Another big change is I allowed myself to ask for help – something fresher me would never believe. But asking for help from student support resulted in the extension that saved my dissertation, which was the thing I had cared most about from my entire degree.   

Please know that it is okay if freshers’ week, or even your first year, isn’t the best time of your life. There are services available to help support you to get to the place that took me years to get to.   

Give yourself the grace to understand and meet your own mental health needs.

Find out how you can get involved with the Student Minds Blog.

Hiya, I'm Hollie, a masters student who has struggled throughout my university studies with various mental health conditions. Wellbeing and mental health advocacy, as well as LGBTQ+ representation, are at the heart of what I do, and as such, I hope to help students feel seen and supported through sharing my own story.

Loneliness at University and the Importance of Self-Reliance

Millie shares her experiences of loneliness during her time at university, and the way she tried to combat this horrible feeling – learning to love her own company.

- Millie

During the summer, before I started university, I binge-watched Normal People. I was in awe of how Marianne blossomed from a wallflower to a rose when she arrived at university. My mind was fixed on the scene where Connell sees Marianne at a party; poise and coolness exude from her being as she takes a long draw on her cigarette surrounded by friends. My experience was going to be like hers. I envisioned talking with a group of friends into the early hours about anything from literature, music or the meaning of life. We lived together of course. Our student-terraced house would be slightly run down but in a charmingly cosy way. The smell of chilli simmering away on the hob would fill the kitchen. I’d fill up wine glasses as another friend filled everyone’s bowls with the chilli. They’d be my people. Just like I had been told most of my teenage years, don’t worry, university is where you find your friends for life.   

From the window of my first year’s flat kitchen, I watched my mum’s car turn from visibility. The summer had quickly come to an end, and now I was taking the plastic packaging off saucepans and shoving them into cupboards. I spent the evening making small talk over a game of cards with my flatmates in the stuffy kitchen. We attempted to find common ground, but it was quickly established that that was going to be a difficult task. After the evening was over, and I had shut my bedroom door behind me this unsettling feeling of loneliness latched itself around my lungs.  

After freshers week was over, I sat on my floor and googled how to make friends at university – the advice was certainly unhelpful, noting that freshers week is the perfect way to make friends for life. I’m not the biggest fan of clubbing, so I spent most of the week finding ways to fill my days before classes began. As I sat on this hideously striped navy blue, brown and cream carpet, my mind couldn’t stop thinking about Connell and how different his university experience was from Marianne’s. His was isolating, lonely. I shook off this feeling and imagined my third-year self, living in that terraced house.  

Fast forward to the present day. As I sit down to write this blog post, I am one month and six days away from my graduation ceremony. My Instagram feed is currently bursting with people’s top moments of their time at university. Each photo captures smiling groups of friends going to house parties, BBQs, picnics and cooking meals together. Comments underneath the photos follow a similar pattern of, we really did have the best time, I’m going to miss it so much – I just can’t relate. An unsettling feeling of failure and inadequacy has been murmuring away in the back of my mind, why don’t I have a multitude of group photos to post to my feed?   

To be completely honest, since sitting on that hideous first-year carpet, that feeling of loneliness has neatly stayed by my side. Maybe with a hint of naivety, I entered that first-year flat not realising how isolating an experience the student one can be. Despite managing to make some lovely friends at university, I just couldn’t successfully shake that feeling.  

As my degree had very few contact hours, often with only a couple of things a week, the majority of my experience was spent in my own company. To stop myself from falling into a depressive hole, I reminded myself to reach out to those I was friends with. However, there were lots of times that they were simply unavailable. During my first year, if this was the case, then I’d simply sit inside my tiny bedroom all day and wait until I could go to bed. Because of my social anxiety, I believed if I did something on my own such as study in the library or go on a walk, people would perceive me as a loner. However, during my second year, I began to set myself small challenges of getting a takeaway coffee alone or going on a long walk around campus. I’d be lying if I said that this shooed away the feeling of loneliness, but it did teach me that I could find joy in my own company.   

I never did get to live in that terraced house, eating bowlfuls of chilli with a strong group of friends. However, I did develop a strong sense of self-reliance. During my final year, I’d happily study alone in coffee shops and frequent the campus library. My camera roll might not be bursting with group photos, but instead, small reminders that I can cultivate my own university experience. 

Find out how you can get involved with the Student Minds Blog.

I'm Millie, a literature student who is about to graduate next month. Recently, my Instagram was flooded with people's highlights of their time at university. Each photo was full of smiling friendship groups and great memories – I just couldn’t relate. Despite making some lovely friends at uni, in all honesty, the majority of the time I felt incredibly lonely.

University: The Best and Worst Time of Your Life

Xaviera (Vee) describes their university experiences as a student from many marginalised backgrounds and gives advice to any students who need it.

- Xavieria

When I first came to university, my focus was on studying only. I care a lot about my academics and plan to stay in education as a researcher at some point. I spent my first year alone and isolated. I lived in a self contained studio, away from a lot of people, because of my Autism. I didn’t do too well mentally and physically, although I achieved an okay grade at the end of the year (considering my mental health issues), at least I tried my best. 

This blog is not a reflection of my first year however, it is a discussion of how my second year changed drastically. 

Since moving to my university, I felt very isolated due to my race. I was a black student on a course with nearly 400 students. However, every time I went to lectures, I would see maybe 10 black students amidst the crowds. I felt unwelcome from the very beginning. 

Flash forward to second year. This year, I wanted to ensure that I did better than my first year in grades, and I made sure to attend every lecture possible. This lasted for about 3 weeks. The course content (13 hours per week) was too overwhelming. Because of my ADHD, Irlen’s and Dyslexia, I didn’t understand a word that was said in lectures. In addition, I was taking on so many extracurriculars that I ended up becoming physically weaker. My brain thinks too fast, and my IQ is too high for my own good. I kept up with things mentally, but physically my body started shutting down. I can no longer walk long distances without mobility aids, and due to the environmental stresses faced at my university, I had to withdraw from my studies. 

I hope to return to a different university next September, but my advice to you is this: take it easy.  Sometimes you need to practice self discipline in order to succeed in life, and spending all your time trying to be a “typical” student may not be the way to do that. I learn better when I self-study, but I told myself that I had to attend all lectures if I wanted to gain the most out of my degree. I burned myself out to the point where my mental disorders simply worsened. Once I was at a point where I was physically and mentally unfit to do anything, my university turned their back on me, and I nearly gave up. I have so many needs and difficulties, but learning about how to cope with everything and how to manage these things is crucial. 

I may be going through a rough patch now, but if you put the work in, sometimes things will get better. Not always, but logically speaking, you cannot determine that things will never get better, so giving up straight away is not the answer. 

Get the help you need, and try to remember: you deserve a break sometimes. University is not a time constrained education, you can take years to do a bachelor’s, or a masters, but do it in your own time, not anyone else’s.

I hope to make some positive changes, especially with equality, diversity and inclusion across the UK. My experiences have told me that universities may try to incorporate EDI, but not because they listen to student voices, but because they feel they have to. I’m gay, transgender, black, disabled, and assigned female at birth. There are students facing anti-Semitism, students being stigmatised for their mental health issues, and many other students facing all sorts of low-level discrimination. 

I want to change that. Writing this blog is the first step. Gathering statistical data and conducting my own research is next. One day, I hope to make universities across England better at being more diverse, not just to a couple of marginalised groups, but to everyone. Because that is what equality, diversity and inclusion is truly about.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.  

Hi, my name is Xaviera but most people call me Vee! I'm 19, and wanted to enjoy university so badly, but found it difficult due to my disabilities and the internal racism I felt during my studies. I'm sharing my story so others who feel the same can hopefully feel less alone. I like to make productive changes, and the education system is a good place to start, especially from students themselves.

How to Calm Anxiety Within Five Minutes

Kortney shares a helpful grounding technique to cope with anxiety. 

- Kortney

Anxiety is an emotion that appears quickly whether doing errands, playing a game, or visiting with others. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety “can make daily life feel like a constant state of worry, fear, and dread.” This can cause an anxious individual to be unable to focus or complete a to – do list. 

However, there are things we can do to manage our anxiety levels.

Grounding techniques help recenter oneself from the current situation. Healthline defines grounding techniques as, “[an] exercise to help you refocus on the present moment to distract yourself from anxious feelings.” These techniques help us refocus and continue our day with a lower, more manageable level of anxiety. 

Anxiety is something I have struggled with in recent years. It became so bad even a little bit of overstimulation would cause a panic attack to start. I decided to go to counseling to discover techniques to help calm myself quickly in any situation. This grounding technique I am going to share with you is one my counselor introduced me to, and appeared in many searches through the web. I personally like this technique because no matter where I am, I can use it to help calm my anxiety within five minutes.   

The grounding technique I am going to walk you through is called, 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1, and uses all five of our senses. This can be used to help shift our focus from the over-stimulating environment to the objects around us. 

Before Starting: Set it Aside 

Set your task aside, because whether you realize it or not, it could be contributing to how you’re feeling in the moment. Turn your car engine off. Pause in your morning run. Shut off your electronic device. Pause the music blaring through your headphones. 

Create a space free of the distractions in order to immerse yourself in the moment to bring you back.

Sense of Sight: Look for Five 

Look around your environment and find five simple things to focus on. The dandelion blooming along the path. The snow glistening in the lights. Your favorite blue pen in its wire holder. The yellow notebook filled with scribbles. The crumbs within your car’s cup holders. 

Why are they there? 

Switch your mindset from the things making you anxious to objects that bring you happiness, bring forth memories, or evoke a certain emotion.  

Sense of Touch: Reach for Four 

Reach for four things around you and focus on how each object feels. The rough fabric of your chair. The softness of the blanket around your shoulders. The coldness of the snow beneath your feet and the warmth of the sun on your face. Focus on the way the objects feel in your hands, against your skin. Is it rough, soft, comforting? Attach yourself to something physical rather than being stuck in your mind.   

Sense of Sound: Listen for Three 

Listen for three sounds happening around you and concentrate on them. The car horn in the distance, or the leaves rustling. The AC, or heat, hissing through the vents. Your roommates down the hall. What does this tell you about the world around you? Focus on the comforting noises you hear every day, but maybe never noticed. Let the sounds remind you that you are safe where you are.  

Sense of Scent: Smell for Two 

Smell the air for two things and think of the memories they evoke. The candle burning on your desk with its sweet aroma. The trash cans smelling of last week’s leftovers. The smell of the rain. Feel present in the smells within your environment. What does this smell remind you of? Maybe Thanksgiving morning, or baseball games in the pouring rain. Switch your mindset from panic to remembrance.  

Sense of Taste: Taste One

Discover one thing you can taste. This is often the hardest sense to complete but a great way to test your imagination! If you can, focus on the flavor of the object you are eating. The fruit snacks in your bag for emergencies. Can you recall a taste? The faint metallic or plastic taste of your water. The sweetness, or bitterness, of your coffee. The action of eating or drinking will provide something physical for your brain to focus on. 

Return to the day

Take a deep breath: how do you feel? Return to your previous activity with your new mindset. Continue the errands, or your morning run. Turn on your electronic device and resume your project. Finish your conversation with friends and family. Leave your anxious thoughts behind. Remember the things you saw, touched, heard, smelled, and tasted. Finish your task strong with your changed mindset. 

You got this! 

A few tips:

• If you are unable to fulfill all the senses, do not stress. 
• Take as much or little time as you need for each category. 
• The important thing is allowing your mind to switch its focus from the anxiousness to the objects in your environment! I have personally used this technique in multiple occasions, including school. I have found it to be effective and timely, working in less than five minutes but that doesn’t mean that it works as well for everyone. We are all unique so it’s important to treat ourselves as such. Give it a go, and make it work for you!

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available. 

Hello! I am Kortney, a senior in college majoring in Multimedia Journalism. Anxiety is something I have struggled with for a few years, and have learned techniques to keep this feeling calm. I want to share some of the tips and tricks I have learned to help others who are struggling to calm this overwhelming feeling.  

Embracing Vulnerability: University, Mental Health and Lessons From Football

Johnnie talks about learning about mental health, getting support and applying the lessons learnt to his writing.

- Johnnie Lowery

I went off to university in 2017 expecting it to be the time of my life. It was all anyone had said to me about my upcoming experience. In the end, the three years I had at University suffered the same fate as an ‘All You Can Eat Buffet’ - there was simply too much pressure to enjoy it for it to actually be a good time. 

Given what I knew about mental health back in those days, perhaps this isn’t too much of a surprise. I struggled with my mental health when I was a teenager without ever knowing it. The term ‘mental health’ didn’t register with me at all and I would have given you a funny look if you’d tried to tell me I suffered from anxiety and depression. I thought going through tough times was normal for a teenager, and so I never looked to get any help. 

Instead, I consoled myself with the notion that things would get better. The short-term fix for this was going to the football at the weekend because this provided enough of an escape to keep me just about functioning. However tough my week was, there was also something to look forward to at the end of the week when I would be able to go and watch my beloved Sutton United.

In the long term, I put all my faith in my future time at university, biding my time until I moved away into Higher Education. But, of course, this isn’t how it works. Freshers’ week was exciting and was certainly a change of pace from my mundane school days, but the change of scene was merely papering over the cracks. I’d done nothing to address the deeper conflict within me. 

Later on in my first year, I had something of a breakdown. It had all just gotten too much. Waking up in what felt like an out-of-body experience the next day, I knew I needed to get help. I knew the wait times on the NHS for counselling were severe, but the health insurance my dad had for his job covered his kids as well. I was able to get support within mere weeks of knowing I needed it, a privilege I’m aware that most people are not afforded. 

We need to do a lot better in our mental health provision as a country, but there is alternative support to what is available on the NHS out there. A lot of universities have mental health support services in place, and many graduate jobs come with health insurance that includes mental health provision. Whatever point of your journey you are at, I thoroughly recommend looking into what might be available for you, even if you don’t currently feel like you need it. There are lots of different routes to support but, for me, having counselling was the first step on my journey to better mental health, but it certainly wasn’t a silver bullet. I continue to have symptoms of depression and anxiety today, but now know how to recognise the signs and deal with them. I’ve recently started a second round of counselling, more specifically targeted at anxiety, which has been very helpful. 

In a slightly more left-field move, I also took to writing a book about the relationship between mental health and my main passion – football. The creative process was a fascinating experience, not least because there were some useful lessons from the football world that I feel are applicable to everyday life. 

One recurring theme that came up was that it’s a strength, not a weakness, to talk about mental health. Doing so allows us to become better versions of ourselves in every element of our lives, be it on the football pitch or otherwise. A second thing I want to touch upon is the importance of having the confidence to reach out for support when you feel you need it. It speaks volumes that the authorities involved with football are investing more than ever in making sure support services are there for footballers. The Professional Footballers’ Association (PFA), for example, provides a counselling service available for any member, with which they will always be able to find a counsellor no more than half an hour from their home. 

Football is still, sadly, a sport in which the stereotype of excessive masculinity pervades. If these footballers in this environment are looking to support their mental health, then you can do it at university too. In the world of football, everyone is finally waking up to the idea that talking about your mental health is a strength and not a weakness. It’s a lesson I first learnt myself during my first year of university.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available. 

Johnnie Lowery is a keen football fan, following England and Sutton United home and away. His first book, Six Added Minutes, was written while he was at university and published in November 2019. Lowery has a keen interest in mental health based on his own experiences as a teenager when he didn’t understand why he was feeling down. Match Fit is inspired by a desire to ensure mental health does not remain a taboo subject in society.

Managing university and mental health

Alice shares her experience of struggling with her mental health whilst being at university and that it's okay to reach out and get support.

- Alice

I’d always wanted to go to university. I was the nerd, the smart one, the one that everyone had high expectations for. I went to college with high hopes that I’d remain that way, but my mental health had other plans.  

Change is inevitable, we know this. Change is also terrifying, especially for those of us with anxiety. We think of every ‘worst case scenario’, and we torture ourselves over what could go wrong. I have social anxiety which basically means that I over-analyse everything I do, and I feel as if everyone is watching me when frankly they’re probably not. I like to tell my anxiety that even if people are watching, they’re just thinking about how utterly gorgeous I am. However, that’s hard to believe when, in that moment, I feel embarrassed of my entire existence. 

This was a problem at college because there were so many people. Everyone was new and everyone (in my eyes) had their lives together. I, on the other hand, did not.  

Fast forward to university, I felt like a shell of my former self. College drove me into a habit of constant comparison, and I fell into a dark place due to an event that took place. I wanted university to be a fresh start, where I left all my problems behind me but unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Healing takes time and work, but so does university and I needed to find a way to balance them both. 

I struggled at first – I couldn’t cope and with all the university work, I barely had time to breathe. I felt vulnerable and alienated. I often was emotionally distressed so it was hard to sit down at my desk and complete a maths assignment. University is all about working towards a better future and so I asked myself “What is the point?” because at that moment it was hard to see any future for myself. That was my internal conflict.   

My realisation was that unless my mental health was in a better place, I wouldn’t be able to give university my best shot. You’ve probably heard it a thousand times before but it’s important to put your health first. It’s okay to need time. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s better to be alive than in the grave with a bachelor’s degree. I went to the mental health advisor at university, I attended therapy, and I was prescribed anti-depressants by my doctor. It didn’t ‘fix’ me or miraculously take all my darkness away, but it gave me the ability to see things clearer. Life was easier to manage, and I could identify the patterns that were keeping me “stuck”. 

You don’t have to be your own obstacle. You can do it, and it doesn’t have to be at the expense of your mental health.  

“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candour, and more unashamed conversation.” - Glenn Close. 

The more we speak about it, the more we can see that we’re not alone. Sometimes that’s all we need, to know we’re not the only ones struggling. Reach out, you never have to face it all by yourself. There is help, and most importantly there is hope.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

Hi, I'm Alice. I wanted to share my story because I'm hoping it gives some comfort to others that they're not alone and that there's nothing to be ashamed of. Let's end the stigma that we should just 'get on with it'. University is hard enough, let alone being alongside poor mental health. It's okay to need time and support.

Cold Feet: How I calm my anxiety with regulated breathing and cold exposure

Heythem shares his experience on how he calms himself down before high-stakes situations, such as job interviews.

- Heythem Naji

A few years back, I found myself in a high-stakes situation. I was applying for an internship position in a psychosocial support centre for refugees. It was already quite late in the final semester of my undergraduate in psychology. There was quite a lot riding on the outcomes of this. If I didn't land this opportunity, I would have needed to extend my studies for another semester, and this would have meant I needed to wait another year to start my Graduate Programme. I knew this position was very competitive, which ramped up my anxiety even more.  

On the morning of the interview, my nervousness reached its peak. I couldn't eat, and I had an almost sleepless night. I tried to meditate for relief, but my racing thoughts didn't stop. I was so afraid to stumble throughout the interview, and I started to tell myself stories that I didn't have a chance to get chosen for this internship. I was preparing myself for failure. 

I remembered Wim Hof, who teaches unique breathing techniques and cold exposure therapy for developing cold resistance and calming down anxiety. With nothing to lose, I decided to try it. I followed his guided breathing exercises and then took an ice-cold shower. I stood under the freezing water for 3 full minutes, focusing on breathing. After the shower, I did another round of breathing exercises. 

To my surprise, I felt my anxieties unwind, detangle, and my thoughts become clearer with each round of breathing, and the effects of this cold shower still coursing through my bloodstream. My anxieties didn't disappear and still stirred, but I was left with a clear and calm mind and newfound energy and confidence. Of course, I still felt nervous going into the interview, but I felt more centred and focused.   

During the interview,  2 Psychologists and the manager of the psychosocial centre were sitting in front of me. They were more interested in me as a person than in my studies. They were especially interested in my immigrant background and experience interacting with refugees. Luckily, I had a lot of experience in that field, and I answered the questions coherently and kept my cool. Normally, It was common that my anxiety caused me to stumble, speak too fast, and forget my words, but I was surprised at how calm and confident I answered the questions! 

One week later, I got the response: I landed the internship. This allowed my then to finish my university studies on time. Needless to say, I have used cold showers as a stress management tool ever since. Whenever I feel nervous, anxious, or depressed, this is my go-to guide for helping me calm back down. Anxieties are unique to everyone, and everyone experiences different things in different ways, but I'd like to share with you what works for me:

Step 1: Breathing exercises 

Before I start cold exposure, I begin with deep breathing exercises, for example:

• Sit comfortably in a quiet place. 
• Close your eyes and take a deep breath through your nose for 4 sec. 
• Hold your breath for 7 sec. 
• Exhale forcefully through your mouth for 8 sec. 
• Repeat this cycle for 4-5 minutes.  

Step 2: Prepare for the cold shower 

Next, I prepare myself mentally for the cold shower. I remind myself that this is a powerful tool for managing stress and anxiety and then start with a normal-temperature shower, then gradually reduce the water temperature.  

Step 3: Cold shower 

Once the water is cold, I try to stay under it for a minimum of 1-3 minutes. The initial shock of the cold will pass!  

Step 4: Focus on breathing

While in the cold shower, I focus on my breathing. My breath may hitch due to the cold but I try to keep it steady and deep. Concentrating on my breath helps draw attention away from my anxiety and centres me in the present moment.  

Step 5: Post-shower breathing exercises

Outside of the shower, I then repeat the exercises I did in Step 1 to further reduce anxiety levels and increase calm and focus.  

Step 6: Grounding myself

I embrace the feeling of calm and clarity and carry this stillness throughout my day.  

Remember, consistency is key. Regularly incorporating this into my routine and using it in difficult situations affects my ability to manage and reduce anxiety. It's also worth noting that the cold doesn't have to come from showers. Ice baths, swimming in cold water, or even applying a cold pack to your neck and chest can be effective forms of cold exposure therapy, in my experience. 

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

I am a psychology student and blogger dedicated to raising awareness of mental and physical health on my blog. I struggled a lot with anxiety and, for a long time, nothing seemed to work. This technique of breathing and cold exposure saved me and keeps saving me throughout my life.

What people don’t see: my experience with loneliness at university

Emily shares her experience of loneliness whilst at university and her tips for how to make changes to help with feelings of isolation.

- Emily

Until March of this year, my university experience had been a fairly positive one. There were ups and downs, but I always felt I had a good group of friends and a great boyfriend to support me through difficult times. 

However, much of this changed at the end of my second term at university. After a tough breakup, I felt incredibly lonely and very lost. I found it so difficult to move from having someone to chat with daily to nothing. To make matters worse, it was approaching exam season: mounting academic pressure on myself and my friends meant that I was spending days and days alone. I had tried to reach out to some of my friends, but the busyness and general chaos of exam season meant that replies were infrequent. I feared that my support network was disappearing. Ultimately, my anxiety worsened, and frequent panic attacks returned after almost a year of not experiencing them. Hiding these feelings of loneliness from friends and family only made things worse.   

To begin with, I didn’t really know how to solve the loneliness I was experiencing. It wasn’t until a family member reached out that I felt able to talk about what I was feeling and what I could do to tackle my loneliness at university.   

Here are some things that have helped me to feel less lonely: 

• I spoke to members of my support network about how I was feeling. I even found that some of my friends were also feeling lonely during exam season and were glad I had contacted them.
• I attempted to attend as many society events as possible when the term began again. Joining new societies is also a great way to combat loneliness, as finding people with common interests is an excellent way to build new support networks.  
• I tried to spend less time on social media. Watching other people’s seemingly “perfect” lives often exacerbated feelings of loneliness. I try to leave the house at least once a day. During exam season, I usually visited my local coffee shop to see familiar faces and chat with those who worked there. It made me feel somewhat less isolated.   

I wouldn’t say that I have found a perfect resolution for loneliness. I still experience periods where I feel out of touch with friends and family. However, I now feel more confident to ask for support when needed. Reaching out to members of a support network is so important in tackling feelings of loneliness.    

Loneliness is a truly awful experience. After my recent experiences, I see tremendous value in frequently contacting friends and family. Anyone could be experiencing loneliness at any moment. You don’t always see what people are going through, and a single message could completely change someone’s day. 

We know that experiencing mental health difficulties at university can feel overwhelming. Explore the support that is available at your university and further.

I'm Emily, a second-year History and Spanish undergraduate at Durham University. After struggling with various aspects of my mental health whilst in my first and second year at university and watching close friends struggle too, I've become particularly aware of the stigma surrounding student mental health. I am sharing my story to demonstrate that loneliness is a more common experience at university than people may think. 

Finding your feet: what it means to think about your future

Alex, a counselling student, shares his thoughts on navigating mental health, academic life and previous experiences in employment and the emotional impact. He offers signposts for figuring out what happens next.

- Alex

What happens next can feel like entering a forest alone and without a guiding light. 

I’ve just finished my first year at university studying Counselling and Psychotherapy. While the last year was a mix of excitement, challenges, fun, and stress, I feel an all too familiar sense of anxiety as I find myself at the threshold of the summer holidays …entering into the wilderness of the real world and within that wilderness I must get a job. 

So, a little backstory … Coming to University has been a long journey and one in which I may proudly declare myself as a mature student. I love University: attending lectures, meeting new people, building friendships, countless study sessions in the library, and that feeling of boggle-eyed excitement that what I’m studying will follow me beyond my time at Uni. More than educational or professional development, however, I love the freedom University provides me!  Before University I was in lacklustre and unfulfilling jobs for twelve whole years. While these jobs paid the bills, I always felt and always knew these jobs kept me in a cycle that was detrimental to my mental health. 

A twelve-year cycle of zero-hour contracts, grasping at every extra shift, and ultimately being a doormat for companies that could replace you as quickly as they could fire you.  Within my first year of Uni ending very soon, I can already feel both a yearning for September to swiftly arrive and dread having to fill the subsequent time with work. Maybe anyone finishing their degrees feels a similar sense of anxiety regarding the unknown.

Maybe it’s the temporary popping of the social bubble that university provides. 

Maybe it’s knowing about the “all business” atmosphere employment seemingly functions on.

Maybe it’s all, none, or more of the above.

I feel panicked at the idea of undoing all the personal and professional growth I’ve achieved over the last few years by compromising for a paycheque. Trying to find that seemingly elusive unicorn of a job: a job that develops and challenges my current skills within my chosen degree; a job that pays the bills; a job that doesn’t drain my passion or negatively impact my well-being.  For me, these anxieties conjure within me as debilitating and catastrophizing questions... 

• “What jobs look good on CVs and Placement applications?” 
• “How do I find these perfect jobs?”  
• “What if they turn out to be dead-end or unfulfilling? 
• “How do I know that this job isn’t going to be like my previous negative experiences of jobs?” 

HOWEVER

Noticing these is half the battle. Behind these fears and concerns are passion and enthusiasm, not just for a career, but for myself. There’s a want and a willingness to be my own biggest fan. 

It is this inner “cheerleader” that I listen to when I look at opportunities or seek support. I know what I want and what is best for me. I’d encourage anyone to listen to that inner voice and where it pulls/pushes them regarding what happens next. Yes, career highlights are important, as is keeping yourself financially stable during these trying times. 

Some top tips: 

• Speak to all you can and seek out opportunities for growth but ones that feel right for you. In addressing my own employment experiences, the world is seemingly turning to what employers can offer YOU rather than the other way around. 
• Interviews can and should go both ways, what can these organisations offer to you? 
• Whether you're in the middle of Uni life, like myself, or at the end of your degree, speak to as many of your fellow students, careers advisors, and lecturers as you: out of many conversations a new idea may be brought into your awareness!
• Try writing it down: write down what your inner voice is telling you! spider-diagram any and all ideas that feel right for you!
• Balance your navigation of  "what comes next" with personal downtime... or better yet non-time, enjoy doing nothing at all once in a while, you deserve it!

However, with the idea that not every aspect of you must be an employable commodity, look at the things you love, that you enjoy, and how they flow into what you've studied, you may just make something brand new!

Remember, you’re not alone in the forest. We’re all finding our own way through.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

I'm a Counselling and Psychotherapy student wanting to share my experiences of being a student and my mental health. I love drinking endless cups of coffee! reading all I can! Screening movies! and not sitting still!

Top of Mind: putting yourself first, or learning how…

In this reflective blog, Emily explores how putting yourself first is essential to your wider well-being and how it impacts others too. 

- Emily Askew

Throughout my entire life - education, relationships, work - I’ve always given everything my all, throwing myself into situations feet-first, and often blind to how deep the hole truly is. Yes, it’s instinctive and it is intrinsic to my nature to help those who need it without a second glance in the mirror to ask how it really makes me feel. 

Trawling back through memories the other day, I found an old report card from my first year in formal education. 

Aged 5: “is always keen to help others”. Cute, right? 

Aged 11: parents’ evenings would be full of glowing praise and I’d come out in a shower of golden applause for my enthusiasm, responsibility, and “support for others”. That’s just how polite girls are at school, though…

Aged 17: I won the Headteacher’s Award for astounding commitment against adversity and dedication to others. It was a huge honour (truly, I mean that) and it had my mum ready to spontaneously combust with pride. It spurred my efforts to make others proud, to make them smile, and to do what I could. 

But, that little girl, from those days on the carpet learning my first phonics, and all the way through, was sowing the seeds to some pretty stubborn roots that her much older self would spend years trying to loosen up. 

Helping others is fantastic for society, refreshing to her elders, commendable, even - in some cases. So how do we draw the line between helping others and hurting ourselves? It can be difficult to acknowledge that your great intentions aren’t so great at all. I began to notice that my helpfulness was becoming a personal rut when I constantly found myself catching up with essentials that only impacted me. Things like reading fictional books I would have once devoured without a second thought, or spending time in the bath without my phone ‘on call’ just in case that email came through whilst I was all soaped up. 

But here’s the thing: allowing time for ourselves isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity of our wider well-being, and overall sustainability to carry on being healthy enough to continue helping others too. 

Here are some top tips and constructive questions I’ve found to be valuable when reflecting on my own capacity and when it’s okay to say “no”. 

1. If I’ve been asked to help someone with something, is there someone else I could ask to support with this too/instead? Sometimes people will come to you for favours as a ‘first port of call’ but this doesn’t mean you should always be the one to take it on. Is there anyone else that could support? 
2. It’s okay to give yourself time. There’s no need to reply to a request or offer your services immediately. Take time to weigh up the options and consider thoughtfully whether it’s something you can truly take on and want to be involved with. 
3. Equally, it’s okay to say no! Your reply does not have to be a straightforward and total rejection of a situation but can be worded in a way that offers support at a time/place that is more convenient and supportive of you. This might look something like “I’m sorry, I’ve got a lot on at the moment but would be happy to help you next time” or “I can’t do this right now but I can help to find someone who might be able to support you, instead”. The yes/no binary doesn’t have to be as blunt and harsh as you might fear it to be. I used to think no meant I was always being mean or unfriendly so I would steer entirely away from it. But, actually, sometimes saying no means finding someone more qualified for a job or someone who is able to put in more time and energy for something than you currently have - which is better for everyone!
4. The guilt gets easier. When you first start making these decisions against the usual tide of agreeing to everything in an instant, it can feel like you’ve really let someone down. The guilt can be quite uncomfortable to navigate at the start but keep reminding yourself that it’s perfectly okay - healthy and safe, even - to put these boundaries in place and raise realistic expectations in your relationships. It’s okay to prioritise you! 

It’s important to stay positive. For someone who has constantly said yes, the first few times saying no can conjure a warmth of guilt that feels like carrying around a rugged, heavy, wet dog. It feels clunky and awkward. It’s a grim, gross, lukewarm sensation and really difficult to keep a grip on sometimes too. It does get easier as those boundaries become more familiar to you, and those around you. Respect is key, for you of others, from them of you, and - most importantly - you of yourself. 

You are so very worth it. 

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

Hi! I'm Emily and I've just graduated from my MA Early Years Education after an English degree at the University of Sussex. I'm an Early Years Teacher and specialise in baby education. But, for now, I'm working with my University's Widening Participation Department to help students from underrepresented groups to overcome challenges, including mental health difficulties, in accessing Higher Education.

It’s a big world out there: the untold truths of being an international student in UK and how to navigate some of the challenges

Roberta shares the truths and struggles of being an international student living in the UK, giving some useful tips on how to manage this new experience.

- Roberta Gaeta

Moving to this country to study is clearly a popular choice for many students from abroad.  When looking at what the UK could offer me, the high-quality courses and the multiculturalism were the main factors that led me to leave my country, Italy,  to study in London. Embarking on a new journey is always exciting, as you get to experience a new culture, improve the language and make new friends. England is indeed known for being one of the greatest melting pots in the world, with its diverse cultures and the possibility of meeting people from around the world. 

However, for the students themselves, moving away from home, and becoming an ‘international student’ is not always all fun and games. It can bring many challenges along the way that can affect your mental health. Having to juggle between assignments, work and social life, on top of taking care of my own house, was definitely a challenge for me, as I was experiencing for the first time what being an adult meant. Although starting a new chapter of your life in a different place might be invigorating, doing it all by yourself can be tough and being in an unfamiliar environment miles and miles from the safe space of home can be intimidating when you don’t know anyone and everything is new. 

You’re trying to understand the country, its different culture and how to fit in. Most prominently, for some, is the homesickness that comes with being away from your family and loved ones. You might see yourself experiencing a sense of alienation and loneliness and feeling like you don’t belong here. You might find yourself juggling between assignments and part-time jobs, saving up every single penny and cutting down on social activities, trying to deal with the financial pressure that comes from the cost of living crisis affecting Britain and having to support yourself, making it hard to focus on education and friends.  We live in a world that is rapidly changing and we are faced with greater responsibilities than our previous generations, having to deal with more stress and anxiety, lower pay and job insecurity, higher expectations and a competitive work environment where failure is not an option.

In this stage of our life, the support of our family and close friends becomes critical and not having them around can be challenging.  Being an international student can be hard and you might feel overwhelmed, but you don’t have to go through this change alone. Having the support of my family and close friends and being able to open up to them really helped me overcome my struggles and it taught me there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and asking for help. It’s important to recognise the tricky situations you might be facing and acknowledge how best to overcome those challenges.

Here are some steps that from my experience might help you to settle in: 

• Get involved in activities. Joining the gym is what helped me the most mentally, but even going for a walk with a friend for some fresh air can help immensely! The easiest and most fun way to make new friends and beat homesickness is to go out and explore the city and what it has to offer. The UK is known for its music, sport and food so the options are endless.  Depending on where in the UK you move to, there will be lots of versatile, vibrant, and varied things on offer! Make the most of your university networks to explore what’s on offer. 
• Do things that bring you happiness and fulfilment. Take up that hobby you had left behind (or take up a totally new one!) and use it as a way to express yourself and reconnect with your passions. It will boost your mood and help you when you’re feeling stressed or burned out. I personally love to paint or play cards with my roommates as it’s something I used to do back home with my friends.
• Talk to people you trust. When you’re feeling down, to avoid isolating yourself, try to surround yourself with people that make you feel seen and heard. Don’t be scared to open up or ask for help. If you realise you’re struggling, there are resources and experts you can consult that will help along the journey. Get in touch with your University student support teams as a useful flag to finding the best next steps.

But most importantly, be kind to yourself. It takes time to settle in, be patient and believe in yourself.

Read more tips on studying abroad on the Student Minds website.

I'm Roberta, an international student who moved to London over a year ago to study for a master's degree. When I first arrived, everything felt exciting but I soon realised I was about to face many challenges along the way. I want my story to show other students that, although it can be tough, it does get better.

Letter to Boyfriend

Artemis's poem shows the struggle with intimacy, communication and relationships when dealing with mental health problems, as well as the journey towards healing.

- Artemis Lam

Inspired by Emily Berry’s ‘Letter to Husband’

 

Dear boyfriend            Dearest, much-loved boyfriend          Adored,

treasured, role-perfect boyfriend        Over-the-screen,

once-a-month boyfriend         Unbelievable dream I try too hard

to grasp           Dear boyfriend always missed           boyfriend’s sweater always

worn                away for one month, next it will be two         Dear boyfriend

please reply                 On some hidden nights           There are nights solitude drowns and

drowning in moonlight like a                         desperate, greedy thing

I want              and want more            This body will never be

Dear Tinder                 Dear random white men at the bar     Dear

God, please believe                 I love               you, I               do

 

Dear                Dear beloved               loving is a hard thing

Like happiness            I didn’t                        I don’t know, no one ever told me

what to do       I am losing      I can’t lose you

 

Dear, dear boyfriend               Dear lover, dear my always                Dear gentleness

too unselfish for your own good                     Dear hazes of crying and blind phone calls

Thank you for letting me        Never again                 I’m not the one

who should be crying             Dear open wound        pink like the pasta you make

Dear boyfriend, I am in therapy                     Dear boyfriend, I am getting better

at making your favourite cheese cake                        only slightly burnt, tender as me

Dear warm pumpkin-spiced-latte recently-cut hair                Dear bruised knuckles

and sweaty hands        Dear gap-toothed smile          Dear raised brow and that

wink                Dear great grounding weight              Dear murmuring sleep and rest

of my life boyfriend                Dear delayed trains and distance I am

overcoming to find you again             Dear boyfriend, I love you     I do

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

Artemis Lam is a third-year English Literature student at Durham University. She is an advocate for open and honest conversations on mental health, as well as a literary representation of such experiences. When she is not reading or writing poetry, she can usually be found in the gym or indulging in her mildly worrying addiction to coffee.

Managing final year uncertainty

Niraj shares his experience on how to manage uncertainty in the final year of university.

- Niraj Shah

Final year uncertainty is something that a lot of students face during their time at university. In particular, a common cause of uncertainty is uncertainty over the future. However, I found that this is something that can be managed with the right mindset. I wanted to share four things that helped me during my final year:

Don’t rush into a decision, as you may regret it afterwards

This is important to remember when thinking about what career you want to go in. You may be in your final year and have no idea what you want to do as a career after you graduate. This can cause stress and it’s easy to rush into making career choices. However, it is important to take a step back and remember that career choices are big decisions and ones that cannot be rushed. In the long run, it is better to take your time with it rather than make a rushed decision that you will regret. You have your whole life ahead of you after you graduate, and therefore there is nothing wrong with taking some time after you graduate to make informed career decisions.

Don’t run away from the issue, do something about it

From my experience, it can be scary to accept the uncertainty in your final year of university. However, it is important to take steps to manage it and do something about it. Not doing anything about it won’t make the issue go away, as you will have to face the issue eventually. There are many things that can be done, whether that is talking to someone you trust, putting aside time to research career options or even prioritising the things that are important. I have found from my experiences that procrastination can be a big barrier to taking steps to manage uncertainty.

Keep things in perspective

I am someone that graduated 3 years ago, and I can definitely say that the final year is a very small part of your life. At the time, it can seem like your final year of university is the be all and end all, which can make the fear of failing overwhelming. However, it is important to look at the bigger picture. After graduation, there are so many avenues you can go down, even if you don’t get the career or grades that you wanted. Furthermore, it is entirely possible to take a different path to the one you envisaged at university, and for that to work out better. 

Focus on the present

It goes without saying, but university is such a unique experience, and you don’t want to have regrets over not having and enjoying the full university experience after you graduate. For me, I stressed over such small issues, which made it harder for me to be in the present and embrace the university experience whilst I had it. This has led to regrets. When it comes to uncertainty in the final year of university, a lot of things that you are stressed about won’t matter in 5 years’ time. Although that doesn’t take away the stress and worry, it is even more reason to embrace the present for what it is.

We know that experiencing mental health difficulties at university can feel overwhelming. Explore the support that is available at your university and further.

I am Niraj, and I graduated from university 3 years ago. I struggled with my mental health at university, and I want to share my experiences to help others.

Achieving My Goals in 2023

Poppy discusses her struggles in 2022 and how she plans to create achievable goals in 2023.

- Poppy

For me, 2022 was a year of changes and challenges. As I struggled to stay on top of my responsibilities in my own life, comparing myself to others made my mental health worse. When I looked around and saw other people going out and accomplishing their goals, it felt like I was falling behind in comparison. And while I tried to sort out my mental and physical health, I noticed that much of my anxiety stemmed from a struggle with setting reasonable and achievable goals. 

When I am in a good, motivated frame of mind, I tend to set myself goals which are quite unrealistic. But it’s impossible to feel happy and motivated all the time, so when I attempt to achieve those goals in a different mindset, I feel overwhelmed and incapable. This idea also ties into my struggles with burnout, in both an academic and health sense. For example, I like to hand in my assignments early so that I don’t have to stress about them. 

However, this often means I will be so determined to finish one and then immediately move on to the next, which can make me feel burnt out. I also tend to get tired very easily, meaning working and studying all week leaves me exhausted at the weekend.  So for 2023, I want to work on being more lenient towards myself and setting more achievable goals. I need to remember that taking breaks and resting are important and are needed to be able to get things done! 

Knowing my limits has never been my strong suit, but this year, my priority is setting myself clear boundaries and realistic goals.  Personally, I like to have a structure to my days and weeks. Knowing what I’m meant to be doing and when gives me some reassurance. Therefore, when I plan my weeks, I will make sure to give myself regular breaks and rest appropriately. I will also allow myself to stray from the plan if I feel like I am having an off day physically or mentally. 

This is important to me, as I really need to allow myself to listen to my body and not feel guilty about taking breaks when I need them. The feelings of guilt will hopefully improve with the healthy school/life balance, as I’m sure it is linked to my anxiety.  I would also like to work on this idea of guilt this year, as I have been thinking about it a lot recently. I often find myself feeling as if I haven’t done enough when in reality I have been pushing myself to the limit. 

Therefore, I would also like to improve on acknowledging my own achievements. Even if they are small ones, like handing in an assignment, it is still something that I have done independently. And I need to work on recognising these feats as accomplishments and feel proud of myself for getting there. This will, hopefully, help me understand that I am doing enough, and allow me to see that taking breaks will not prevent me from doing what I want to do.  

While this might not sound like I’m giving myself a lot of leeways, it’s still a start. And with a new year, that’s all you can ask for. I’ve not always been one to create resolutions (or stick to them) but I will try my hardest this year. And that’s a pretty achievable goal, I think.

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available.

I’m Poppy, a Psychology student at the University of Chichester. With professional experience in healthcare as well as with mental health issues, I’m passionate about creating a culture which allows people to open up, especially children and young people.

What I want to say

A poem detailing a young person's silent battle with depression.

- Muskaan Admani

When someone asks how I am

I want to say

I really do feel

     Unloved

And

     Worthless

And like

     A burden

This d e p r e s s i o n

Is a ravenous parasite

Sucking out all the light

I have left

I have lost my sight.

I want to say

That my thoughts

Are incessantly pushing weight against my shoulders

And that is why I shake sometimes

I am relentlessly fighting a boxing match

That you cannot see

But my energy

Is now fleeting.

I want to say

That

     S m i l i n g

Has become a

Magic trick

But I'm probably the worst

     Magician

You know

Yet

I am a master at

     Pretending

All is fine.

I want to say

That I am

     D r o w n i n g

These walls are caving in

And I no longer know how to survive

It's like I'm trying to swim

But my hands and feet are tied.

I want to say

That this sadness

Has infected my lungs

So breathing has become an

     A b o m i n a t i o n.

I want to say

That life has torn

At the verge of my strength

I am  n u m b 

I am  e m p t y.

My grave

Is this body.

But I'd rather not ravage

Someone's mood

With my  t r a g i c  h o n e s t y

So I goof away

Like everything is a laughing matter

And I say something acceptable, like:

"I'm alright. How are you?"

Whether you are looking for support for your own mental health at university or supporting a friend, help is available. 

Hello! I am Muskaan, a Psychology Undergraduate from Queen Mary University of London. I am currently on my placement year working in a school. I am sharing my experiences through poetry - a medium that has helped me throughout my struggles of mental health, with the hope to help and inspire others.