Accustomed to solitude

Vee writes about overcoming feelings of loneliness and making friends at uni.  

- Vee

I live alone at uni. Specifically, I live in a studio flat. 

Talking and interacting with people is definitely not my speciality. I chose to opt out of living the “uni life” with a bunch of flatmates, going clubbing and partying and meeting 100 different people in the span of a week. When I first moved into my studio, I barely left, and didn’t attend any events during Fresher’s, save for one thing that I got dragged to by someone who had also come to my university. I met and talked to a couple people there, including someone who happened to do the same course I was doing. I also randomly bumped into someone on campus, who complimented my outfit, and we became friends. However, after freshers, I talked to no one during lectures. I’d go over to my friends flat and hang out with their flatmates, but it was never anything close. They all liked me, but I wasn’t into clubbing and partying or even talking so it never led to anything more.  

I spent a lot of time in my studio in the end. I would go to class, speak to no one, walk home, and stay in my room all by myself. At some point, I felt so alone, and assumed that no one liked me or wanted to be friends with me.  

 

But I was wrong.  

 

The problem was that I was always too scared to talk to people, be myself, and ask to hang out (massive fear of rejection). I always kept to myself, because it felt easier. But it also made my first year at university incredibly isolating. I barely got involved with anything because I was so unprepared for how crippling of feeling loneliness was. I experience it a lot but feeling lonely around 30,000 students - nearly 400 of them in my course - exacerbated this even more. Towards the end of the term, I got involved with numerous activities, but more importantly, I actually talked to people. I hated it, but the few friends I have now are worth it.  

Remember the person I met at a random freshers event, who happened to be on the same course as me? That guy would always say “hi!” to me if he ever saw me at lectures, but until I started talking to him properly, asking for his number (I’m in the minority of people who don’t use Instagram or Snapchat), messaging and hanging out with him after lectures, I realised that no matter what, there's always at least one person who wants to be friends with you, and in my case, all I had to do was let them in.  

This blog was written as part of the U-Belong campaign to combat loneliness and isolation at university. To find out more, visit their website. You can also find support at Student Space.

Hello, I’m Vee. I study psychology and cognitive neuroscience at the University of Nottingham and work on multiple research projects regarding student mental health. I love research, and from personal experiences, I developed a sense of advocacy towards students suffering from mental health issues, loneliness, a lack of belonging, and the many challenges faced by students from marginalised groups.