You belong with me

Abigail writes about building a sense of belonging when starting university. 

- Abigail Mathew

Ah, the beloved two words every young adult looks forward to upon leaving secondary education: Fresher's Week.

You must be familiar with the term – it is a word which is celebrated in the eyes of every prospective university student. However, I was one of the oddballs who was quite apprehensive about it. Not just about fresher’s week but about university life in general.  As soon as I stepped onto the campus of my university, I was greeted harshly with the academic term and weeks 1 – 5 blew past me like wind. 

 It was during my initial weeks at university that I noticed that something was amiss, not in the physical sense, but more so mentally. I had got into university, and I was studying for a degree that I chose. I should be happy right? Although my love for psychology was growing slowly, I struggled to find meaningful connections and a sense of belonging within the university environment, especially from individuals whom I shared a cultural identity with.  

My cohort was very diverse, there were quite a few of us from India especially South India where I am originally from. Yet – I failed to achieve a sense of belonging. Something about not finding ‘your people’ and feeling left out mixed with a sense that I was not getting the university experience made me quickly realise that as much as I loved my peers and friends I made, deep down I longed for an emotional connection and a sense of belonging to peers from the same ethnic origin as me.

A way in which I dealt with feelings of loneliness was to join different societies, I did not limit myself to just joining the cultural societies, and although this helped me to meet a few individuals during fresher’s week, I was not able to find long term friendship or belonging with them. During my second year when I joined the university’s badminton society, a sense of belonging was achieved. I quickly found my people within the team, and the club was very inclusive and welcoming. I connected with the team members, especially within the South Asians on the team. I was also able to strengthen my friendships with my South Asian friends I had previously made from my course by also inviting them to join the society with me. Thanks to badminton, a sense of belonging was found in like-minded people by hitting a shuttle around the court twice a week. 

Also, after joining badminton – I was able to strengthen and reconnect with South Asian friends and peers that I had made previously. Despite not having many friends who were from the same part of India as me I have found solace, friendship, and comfort in my South Asian friends. Thanks to them, I have been able to learn about the different traditions which are celebrated by different countries (and different names for chai!). 

To all of my wonderful friends - I am grateful to all of you for the immense love, support, kindness, and warmth you have shown to me and for welcoming me into your tribe. Thank you for always drinking my chai, and for making me chai during deadline season. 

Without my wonderful gang, I would not have survived two years of lectures, (especially statistics) – thank you for giving me a reason to look forward to Monday mornings.

To my friends who would tirelessly explain the assignments for the nth time, offer a shoulder to lean on in the library and who would always pick up the call/text during deadline season amidst the sea of panic – you guys are heroes. Thank you for the encouragement and motivation. 

Finally, to all of my South Asian friends and peers – thank you for giving me a sense of belonging, and a reason to smile during gloomy days. 

A piece of advice I would give to anyone feeling lonely as a university student is to try new things and go to different activities, I encourage you to go out of your comfort zone – you never know how it’ll change your perception of university life! 

This blog was written as part of the U-Belong campaign to combat loneliness and isolation at university. To find out more, visit their website. You can also find support at Student Space.

My name is Abigail Mathew and I am a psychology student from Keele University. I remember when I first joined the university and how daunting and scary the first few weeks felt. Especially adjusting to a new environment and making new friends.

Moving out to university was a big change for me as I had never left home and my family and friends before, and it felt lonely at times, especially during the winter months.

I joined the U- belong campaign because I want to help new students access support and raise awareness of loneliness among university students.