University changes your life, there is no doubt about that

Charlotte shares the struggles around the pressures and expectations of freshers year at university. (TW: death)

- Charlotte Millar

Your university experience is uniquely yours. 

I came to university with the expectation that I had to be prepared to have the “typical university experience”, to do it right. However, I soon realised that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Social media often highlights students partying and making loads of friends, creating pressure to live a certain lifestyle. 

Before university, I wasn’t a big drinker but I felt compelled to join in during fresher’s week getting drunk every night until I realised this wasn’t for me. I was one of the first in my flat to turn down a night out, and now we spend more time playing Mario Kart than we do going clubbing! Don’t be fooled by the glamorous portrayal of university life online. For me and everyone I know, university is the most amazing but loneliest experience of our lives.  

I built friendships with people I felt I clicked with, and before I knew it I had a group of friends who, one year later, I am so lucky to consider my best friends. I was posting videos, replying less to my friends from home, and often talking about how amazing my uni life was. However, the honest truth is, my best friend from home was at a different university and having a very different experience. She wasn’t close to her flatmates and struggled to find people who shared her interests. Social media made her believe that this wasn’t okay, and she felt like she had failed to immerse herself in the expected university experience. This, along with other factors, devastatingly contributed to her taking her own life after 3 weeks of university. This turned my world upside down in more ways than you can imagine.  

I returned to university after taking some time out to process this huge loss in my life and suddenly became so much more aware of the intense pressures of university life. Why were there so many expectations? Why is there an assumption that your flatmates will be your new best friends? Why does social media dictate the type of experience we should have? If you don’t enjoy that lifestyle, why pressure yourself to conform?  

University changes your life, there is no doubt about that. It is important to remember that ultimately, it is just a degree. You are not defined by this degree, and you have to do what is right for you. Come to university with no expectations and an open mind. If you need to go home every weekend, then that’s what you need to do. If you want to stay at university as much as possible, then that’s what you need to do. University is a huge chapter in anyone’s life and it is crucial that you look after yourself. No degree is more important than your mental health – your happiness comes first.  

Throw yourself in and give it your all, but if you realise that university isn’t the right path for you or not a path you feel is best for you at this specific time in your life, then know you have options. 

Mental health doesn’t discriminate, anyone can struggle at any time and that’s okay. If you are reading this, please remember there is so much help out there – you are loved and this experience does not define you. This new chapter of your life is yours and nobody else’s. Do what feels right for you and take care of yourself, please ask for support when you need it. Be kind to yourself - I can assure you that you are doing better than you think. 

 

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I believe that the pressures of first year at university are not spoken about enough, and sadly, I saw the devastating effects these pressures and expectations can have. If even one person reading this realises that there is no perfect uni experience, just an individual one - then I am glad I shared a piece of my story.