Managing University and Home Duties as Eldest Siblings

Naa Yarley shares her journey of balancing university and family responsibilities as the eldest sibling in an immigrant family, offering strategies for managing both effectively.

- Naa Yarley

Balancing the demands of university life is challenging for any student, but it can become overwhelmingly difficult when coupled with the responsibilities of being an older sibling in a tough home environment. As the eldest daughter in an immigrant family, I faced unique challenges that often left me feeling isolated and overwhelmed. This blog is for others who might find themselves in similar situations, particularly those from first or second-generation immigrant backgrounds, to share my journey and offer strategies that helped me navigate these complexities.  

Growing up as the eldest sibling, I often felt a heavy burden of responsibility. In many immigrant families, the role of the older sibling extends beyond typical sibling duties. This expectation can sometimes lead to parentification, where the older child takes on roles usually reserved for parents. For me, this meant constantly balancing my academic commitments with the need to support my younger siblings and help manage household responsibilities.  

One vivid memory that stands out is studying for a major exam while simultaneously caring for my younger siblings. Our parents were working late, and I was left in charge of preparing dinner, helping with homework, and ensuring everyone was ready for the next day. By the time I could finally focus on my own studies, it was late, and exhaustion had set in. The pressure was immense. There were times when the weight of my responsibilities at home overshadowed my academic goals, making it difficult to focus on my studies. This struggle was exacerbated by the feeling of isolation. The cultural nuances of my situation were not something I could easily share with my peers, further deepening my sense of loneliness.  

Moving to university was especially difficult because it led to a feeling of powerlessness. Challenges at home often led me to isolate myself. I found it hard to relate to other students who seemed to have a much lighter load. My time outside of classes was consumed by family obligations, leaving little room for social interactions or personal downtime. This isolation was not just physical but emotional, as I struggled to find anyone who could understand or relate to my unique situation.  

Recognising the need to focus on myself and my own well-being, I began exploring ways to find support and build connections outside of my home environment. One significant step was joining the Young Greens Society at my university. This decision was transformative for several reasons. The society provided a platform to meet new people who shared my interests and values. It offered a sense of community and belonging that I had been missing. Engaging in activities that I was passionate about helped me reclaim a part of myself that had been overshadowed by my responsibilities at home. Volunteering at local environmental events and attending meetings gave me a sense of purpose and accomplishment outside of my family duties. Lastly, participating in the society's events gave me a structured break from my home responsibilities, allowing me to manage my time more effectively.  

Another crucial strategy was utilising the resources available at my university. I was fortunate to have access to a very good therapist on campus. Therapy provided a safe space to express my feelings and experiences without judgment. It was a relief to talk about the pressures and challenges I faced as an older sibling and to receive guidance on how to manage these responsibilities while prioritising my mental health. During one particularly tough semester, my therapist helped me develop coping strategies to manage my anxiety and stress. This support was invaluable, especially during exam periods when the pressure from home and school felt overwhelming. Universities often offer a range of support services that can be invaluable for students dealing with complex home situations, including free or low-cost counselling or academic support.   

Balancing university life with the responsibilities of being an older sibling in a tough home situation is no easy feat, especially for the eldest siblings in immigrant families. The weight of these responsibilities can lead to feelings of isolation and overwhelm. However, by seeking support, building connections, and utilising university resources, it is possible to navigate these challenges effectively.  

My journey has taught me the importance of prioritising my own well-being and seeking out supportive communities. To anyone in a similar situation, know that you are not alone. There are resources and people out there who can help you manage your responsibilities while achieving your academic goals. 

 

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I'm a second-year university student and the eldest daughter of an immigrant family. I’m sharing my story to connect with others who balance academic pressures with family responsibilities, offering support and strategies that have helped me navigate these challenges.