Dealing with emotions during a breakup

Aaingel shares her experiences of dealing with difficult break-ups and how journaling helped her to come to terms with her emotions.

- Aaingel

Breakups are hard. They are awful, we all know that. It’s well documented in every rom-com ever. But they really can be difficult to get through. I was with my partner for 2 ½ years before we broke up. I’d had just moved 50 miles away for uni, which doesn't sound far, but when you’ve lived in each other's pockets every night for the last year or so it feels like a thousand miles away, particularly when you are also starting a whole new course and getting used to living in a different city. 

We’d been arguing all summer, and I for a long time I had felt anxious and paranoid about the relationship and the future of it. He spent the first week with me in my uni town before I started so I’d feel calm and settled in before my first week of uni. On all accounts, we were fine, on the outside we were happy but over time it came crashing down, and eventually, we broke up.

This had a huge impact on my mental wellbeing. I couldn’t eat for a week after the breakup. I decided it would be better if we limited contact so that I could get over him because I didn’t think I would be able to heal while being his friend and so far apart. Despite deleting his contacts on my phone and social media, we spoke on the phone and even though I still had feelings for him, he said he was in a different headspace and needed time to grow for himself without me. He visited my uni town and we eventually decided that we were what each other wanted but didn’t need, for our own wellbeing.

However, the break up did let me start to journal in order to reflect on the difficult emotions I had been feeling. Everything that happened I’d write down at the time, and include all my feelings so that I could have a fresh pair of eyes on it every time I looked back at a situation. I know now that not every relationship is meant to be put back together, but it doesn’t mean it is not shocking or difficult - it is okay to spend some time feeling sad about the break-up. But I also can reflect on why certain feelings I felt at the time were not always constructive for improving the situation.

Since the break up I’ve journaled everything, sought professional help, and opened up a little more about how I feel in a constructive way. I didn’t seek professional help just for the sake of my relationship, but for myself so that I can look after myself and not be dependent on another person. When all my pieces felt put back together it was easier to then work on a relationship in a healthy way.

Hello, I'm Aaingel Nathan. I'm a journalism and media production student at the University for creative arts. I'm a keen writer, podcaster and radio presenter. I'm just writing to help others, giving people a voice they haven't heard but they definitely feel.