Mary writes about how she solved the cause of her depression during her university studies and how that helped to define her talents.
- Mary Kleim
You know those people who choose the wrong major
at college and have bitter regrets? Well, I’m one of them. I couldn’t bear the
pressure of the choice, so I just decided to make my parents happy. They were
happy all right, but I got depressed.
I found the strength to get through that period
of my life. It wasn’t easy, but I made it through, and I want to tell you
something: depression has a purpose. It’s meant to make you aware. When you’re
in a bad place because of your own choices, your sub consciousness finds ways to
hit you right in the face. Once I realised that was where my depression was coming from,
I started digging deep enough to find out exactly what I wanted to do.
My parents have always expected too much from me.
My father is a gambler, who brought the entire family into one disaster after
another. My mother is a nurse. She faces the struggles of other people every
single day, so I understand why she’s so frustrated when she gets home.
Me… I was always the perfect child. I was the
light in their lives. I always did great at school. I was smart, well-mannered,
humble, and kind.
My mother always told me: “You’re the one who’ll
get us back up. You’re the only hope I have. You’re everything to me.” If I got
a B at school, she was disappointed.
The expectations increased when I went to
college. Since all I ever did was with the purpose of making my parents happy,
I didn’t know what I wanted. My own
feelings and desires were buried so deeply that I couldn’t recognize them
anymore.
When it came down to choosing a major, I faced
the greatest challenge in my life. I knew this decision was going to trace my
future. I had no idea what I wanted, so I chose what my parents expected: business management. That’s where
the money was. Since my family was always in financial struggles, they wished a
life full of luxury for me.
I got very depressed during my first year at
college. I didn’t want to make friends. I was always alone, unwilling to
discover the city, unwilling to go to parties, unwilling to do anything. When
my parents asked how everything was, I lied.
At one point, I got so low that there was no
other way to go but to pull myself up. I had a really
nice roommate who understood what I was going through. She’s the most
compassionate, intuitive, and kind person I know. She suggested a method: “If
you don’t know what you feel, write. Your thoughts get clearer when you put
them on paper.”
I began to write a private online diary. The
process was meditative: I used to stare at the blank page for a minute, and
then words just started pouring out. I felt like I was revealing my soul to
that diary… layer by layer.
My mind got more focused throughout the writing
process, and my feelings got clearer. Now, I was the one who was disappointed.
I realised that from then on, it was time to start making my own choices.
After a long time of consideration, I decided to
stick with that major, but I found a way to combine it with something I loved:
writing. Now, I have my own online writing business and it’s doing great.
The period of depression is behind me now, but
the experience serves as a reminder that I’m my own person, responsible for my
own choices and actions. I don’t know where the future will take me, but I find
relief in the fact that I’m the one who’s building it.
For more information on finding support with depression, click here.
For more information on how to support a friend going through depression, click here.
No comments:
Post a Comment