- Hannah
Coming to university, I thought I was well
prepared. Having had to take a year out due to mental health problems, I came
to university with the wisdom from my friends who had already survived first
year. I was armed with tips about breaking the ice, meeting new people, coping
with freshers, joining societies and dealing with work stress. I had no doubt
that I was 100% prepared and ready, albeit terrified.
How wrong could I be? As it turns out, very
wrong. Despite being surrounded by thousands of equally overwhelmed and lost
students in the same boat as myself, I had never felt more alone. Freshers came
and went, a drunken blur. I had been encouraged to really push against my
anxiety and join in, get out of my comfort zone and get to know people. So I
did. I joined in, I drank to excess, I looked normal. No one would of guessed
the torment going on inside. However as soon as freshers was over, my attempts
to join in were also over. I alienated my flatmates. This was my first mistake.
One week sociable and happy, the next week isolated and quiet with no
explanation. There is only so long someone can fake a personality. And in
hindsight I should have explained my situation. I wasn't a going out sort of
person. I didn’t like drinking every night. That just wasn't me. I am naturally
an introvert who likes staying in drinking tea and watching films. I liked
knitting and other creative things. I like to study and do well, for me first
year wasn't about scraping a pass. I wanted to push myself and do well. But I
felt too ashamed to say anything. I didn’t think I would be accepted for being
different. I didn’t think they’d understand the depression and anxiety I felt.
I was ashamed and scared which only drove me further into isolation. I stayed
in my room, often crying and contemplating leaving university. I would ring
home in floods of tears desperate to leave. Nearing the end of the year, I had
reached my lowest point.
In first year I undeniably hit rock bottom. But looking back I learnt a lot:
1. Be open: You’re stuck with your flat
mates for a year. Randomly assigned to a group of people, it’s inevitable there
will be arguments and falling outs. That’s ok. I had such a fear of telling my
flat mates about my mental health problems that I pushed myself into isolation.
If I had told them, even only slightly hinted to the problem, I have no doubt
that they would have been more understanding and caring. When I opened up to
other people, I often found out that they too had experience of struggling.
Mental illness is sadly very common. But it means you are not alone. Everyone
has their guards up when coming to university - everyone wants to look
‘normal’. But if you take down your facade, you’ll find others do too. And
you’ll quickly learn that normal doesn’t even exist.
2. Be open with university: Explain to your
tutor about your problems, let them help you. As I said, mental health is
common and they are used to students having a wide range of issues.
Universities have a well-structured support service in place for students with
a wide variety of difficulties. It ranges from university therapy sessions to
extra support during exams and extended deadlines. If your tutor doesn’t know
there is a problem, they cannot help. There is no shame in asking for help and
at the end of the day, as a tutor, that is their job. They want to support you
and they know about the challenges students face. They don’t judge. They
support and guide you.
3. Get help: Register with a doctor, find a
GP you find comfortable seeing and be honest. This is probably the hardest
thing to do but so worth it. I was referred to the community mental health
service where I was assigned a psychiatrist and community psychiatric nurse
(CPN). It sounds scary and it was at first but I was able to get my medication
sorted which helped make the depression easier to deal with. Before, the
depression completely consumed me, I felt like I had no control over it at all.
But the medication helped ease it so that I regained more control. Seeing the
CPN helped me challenge some of my fears and beliefs. But above all, it was
incredibly liberating to talk honestly and not be judged.
4. Be yourself: There are thousands of
students at university, all unique and different so don’t feel you have to act
a certain way to fit the mould. Fitting the mould is just an illusion - there
is no mould and there is no normal. It is a chance to explore new activities,
join societies and clubs and try something new or just do something you already
enjoy. I joined the ski society in second year and that is one of the best
things I did. I love skiing and it was great to be with other like-minded
people. It was something I looked forward to and I felt able to be more like
myself. Also opening up to people and being honest that I hated going out and
drinking every night lead to me find other people who felt the same way. It was
with these people that I could really bond with and from friendships. One
friend in particular really helped me through first year. Having opened up
about my difficulties she made a huge effort to help me. We had very similar
interests so she’d come to my halls armed with tea, films and crafty things.
She understood my struggles and helped me to challenge them but also understood
my limitations.
5. Don’t be ashamed: Mental health is
something we all have, be it good or poor. Just like physical health issues, we
shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed when our mental health isn't right. Part of
the problem is fearing the stigma attached to mental health. But by hiding our
problems we inadvertently strengthen the stigma. During second year I joined a
mental health society and got involved in a number of awareness events - it
really is amazing how many people have been touched my mental health illnesses.
It was liberating to be open and to help break down the misunderstandings
surrounding mental health.
4 years on, I am now studying for a masters in
medical science. Last year I graduated with a first class degree in physiology
despite my struggle with depression and other illnesses. Having depression
doesn’t mean you cannot achieve your goals. Your illness and struggles do not
define you. It has been a learning curve and I am still on my journey to
recovery. I have learnt from my mistakes and I have learnt from my past experiences.
I have learnt not to be ashamed. I have learnt to be myself and do the things I
want to do. As a result I have developed real friendships with people who are
similar to me. I have learnt my limitations and learnt that it’s ok to ask for
help - this is not a sign of weakness or failure. It takes strength and courage
to know when you need help and to overcome the fear of asking for it.
Be yourself, ask for help, don’t be ashamed.
These would be my 3 top tips.
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