Accustomed to solitude

Vee writes about overcoming feelings of loneliness and making friends at uni.  

- Vee

I live alone at uni. Specifically, I live in a studio flat. 

Talking and interacting with people is definitely not my speciality. I chose to opt out of living the “uni life” with a bunch of flatmates, going clubbing and partying and meeting 100 different people in the span of a week. When I first moved into my studio, I barely left, and didn’t attend any events during Fresher’s, save for one thing that I got dragged to by someone who had also come to my university. I met and talked to a couple people there, including someone who happened to do the same course I was doing. I also randomly bumped into someone on campus, who complimented my outfit, and we became friends. However, after freshers, I talked to no one during lectures. I’d go over to my friends flat and hang out with their flatmates, but it was never anything close. They all liked me, but I wasn’t into clubbing and partying or even talking so it never led to anything more.  

I spent a lot of time in my studio in the end. I would go to class, speak to no one, walk home, and stay in my room all by myself. At some point, I felt so alone, and assumed that no one liked me or wanted to be friends with me.  

 

But I was wrong.  

 

The problem was that I was always too scared to talk to people, be myself, and ask to hang out (massive fear of rejection). I always kept to myself, because it felt easier. But it also made my first year at university incredibly isolating. I barely got involved with anything because I was so unprepared for how crippling of feeling loneliness was. I experience it a lot but feeling lonely around 30,000 students - nearly 400 of them in my course - exacerbated this even more. Towards the end of the term, I got involved with numerous activities, but more importantly, I actually talked to people. I hated it, but the few friends I have now are worth it.  

Remember the person I met at a random freshers event, who happened to be on the same course as me? That guy would always say “hi!” to me if he ever saw me at lectures, but until I started talking to him properly, asking for his number (I’m in the minority of people who don’t use Instagram or Snapchat), messaging and hanging out with him after lectures, I realised that no matter what, there's always at least one person who wants to be friends with you, and in my case, all I had to do was let them in.  

This blog was written as part of the U-Belong campaign to combat loneliness and isolation at university. To find out more, visit their website. You can also find support at Student Space.

Hello, I’m Vee. I study psychology and cognitive neuroscience at the University of Nottingham and work on multiple research projects regarding student mental health. I love research, and from personal experiences, I developed a sense of advocacy towards students suffering from mental health issues, loneliness, a lack of belonging, and the many challenges faced by students from marginalised groups.

University Challenge: Finding Your Crowd

Sadiyah writes about building a sense of belonging with people from similar ethnic backgrounds and finding your crowd at uni.

- Sadiyah

Starting university was always a scary jump from studying A-levels because the culture, environment, and people were completely different. It is that huge step that everyone talks about. I was excited but anxious about ‘where I would belong’ as university cultures are predominantly different from my beliefs, especially with the social scene revolving around drinking and partying. 

When I first started university, the buzz was incredible. Everyone was making new friends and diving into their new routines. But as the first few weeks flew by, I began to feel out of place. It wasn’t that I didn’t like my classes or couldn’t handle the workload; it was more about the social activities where people became friends. A lot centred around drinking, which isn’t my thing due to my culture and religion. 

Although my cohort was quite diverse, I didn’t encounter many people who shared my Pakistani background. This added another layer to my feelings of being outside of my comfort zone. Having dual nationality made things even more complex. On the one hand, I understood British culture and resonated with parts of it, but truly I longed for interactions with people of my own who understood my Pakistani heritage. 

This left a sense of discomfort because the beginning of freshers’ events and the boat party were all centred around those things. I found myself in situations where I felt awkward and had to explain why I wasn’t drinking. Trying to blend in while staying true to yourself was a strange feeling. It wasn’t about the alcohol; it was about finding people who understood my background of being British Pakistani and shared similar experiences. 

However, I did find some wonderful friends who made me feel like I belonged. They might not have shared my ethnic background, but they were open, understanding, and supportive. These friendships helped bridge a gap and made my university experience much more enjoyable. We found common ground in our interests, and being psychology students allowed us to support each other through the ups and downs of university life. 

Discussing mental health openly was a game changer. Being honest about my feelings and hearing others do the same made a vast difference. It showed me that I wasn’t alone and that it was okay to feel out of place sometimes. 

In the end, being a British-Pakistani student at university has had its challenges, but it’s also taught me a lot about resilience and finding my community. I found my place by reaching out, joining supportive networks, and staying open about my feelings. It wasn’t with people of my own, but this has been a journey of self-discovery and growth, and it’s made me appreciate the importance of inclusivity and mental health awareness in creating a supportive university environment for everyone. 

This blog was written as part of the U-Belong campaign to combat loneliness and isolation at university. To find out more, visit their website. You can also find support at Student Space.

My name is Sadiyah and I’m a second-year Psychology Student at City University of London. As a dedicated psychology student with a strong passion for clinical psychology, I joined the U-Belong campaign to contribute to developing practical guidance for university students struggling with loneliness. Through this experience, I aim to deepen my understanding of the psychological challenges students face and explore practical interventions. My involvement reflects my commitment to meaningfully impacting mental health support within the academic community, driven by a desire to foster a more inclusive and supportive university environment.